Crimson Sorrows

A year, is at its end.

Blue sky darkening with a pink tinge.

I ran my fingers gently across the keyboard, but not typing at all; ran my fingers gently across the desktop, etching lines against the wooden surface.

Memories were what that kept me alive. Should I continue to embrace them?

The year's event has put me thinking, a whole lot that I used to think.
But this time, there's no bitterness, no resentment, no hatred.
But what's left is helplessness, sadness, regret.

I had started out then, with no hopes for anything big.
More or less, I had started out in fear.
Yet, what I received, were more than what I expected.

I got something big in return.
But no fear.
I got something memorable in return.
And it came with happiness.

Who stands in the skies?
Not me for certain. And no one else.
But does that matter?

No it doesn't. Only those who walk the surface of this planet does.
I've learnt alot, though through a simple month.
So much, that people leading those normal lives of theirs will never understand.

I should not feel sad anymore, about the hatred that spun 4 years.
Because it happened for a reason. And what's of the end, matters alot to me.
I should not feel sad now, with the end of a year and the possible end of it all.
Because I am honoured, to be with them.

God may be unfair to me in some ways, yet, I'm still in his eyes.
To be protected, to be loved, despite losing the love over and over.
To be known, to be held, to be respected.
Not by Him, but by others. Even though I despised who I was.

I'll never walk down the same path. Never want to again.

Because you people led me to see, what I never meant to see.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Gotei 13+.